I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need moral support for this bender
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
