I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
