fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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