just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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