I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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