shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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