I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
