u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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