Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
