i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
