Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
