im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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