hell yes lets make some ravioli
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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