sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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