You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
