This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
