Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
