is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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