the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
