11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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