this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
4 words: hood of his car
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
