I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
