look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I need water and some morals
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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