Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
