those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
