Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
