Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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