you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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