Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
