Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
