My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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