ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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