Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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