By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I have post one night stand depression
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