when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
