i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
