Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize