so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
