her vagina looked like bernie madoff
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize