I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
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