WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
