i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
