It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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