I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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