Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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