And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
