That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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