I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
