What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
