Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
