I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
