i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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