tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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