i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
