Betty ford says i'm here all night
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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