If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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