Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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