Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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