blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
