I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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