I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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