Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
