I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
