what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
