I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
