barbara walters just said penis...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
