"it" just moved
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
