Nicole vs. Life
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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