why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
