sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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