she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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