My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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