Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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