I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
