Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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