As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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