in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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