Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
