I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize