the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
