During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
