Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize