Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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