Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize