I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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